Can you hear me?

These words that come out?

They go deep, they reveal and show
What is hidden inside my soul.

You may not get it
But I do not care
They’re all I have
My most natural way to share

I am not tough
Though I tried to be
In all those situations
So many there have been

In my life
When I was little
And even older
I’ve had to withstand more than I was able to soldier

And so I pretended,
I did not choose,
But some primal instinct in me decided to be aloof

Nothing touches me
I do not crumble
Nor cripple
Whatever it is that may see me stumble

I always remain cool
Uninterested
Even if my soul within is shocked to its core

I now realize
I am too sensitive
to ever be ok
With any kind of self harm
or a deed that comes from pain.

What you told me
I have now learned
Shocked me more than I was prepared to admit

So I hid it from view
I hid it from myself
And I hid it from you

I could be ashamed of it
But that I will not allow
Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned,
it’s that I’m all that I have

And if I don’t love myself
Look out for myself
Stand up for what is mine
Then who should do it

I will never rely

On anyone else to be
for me all of the things I need
to be happy and free

You see

Yes, I was shocked and traumatized
because I wasn’t prepared
to hear those things about you

I might never be

But I have understood this now
About myself to be true
Even all those ugly things
That you witness
Pointing at you

As I’ve grown older and got to know myself
I see how the child
So vulnerable in me
Still comes out and panics
When I feel so afraid

So lonely and disconnected
Often left unseen
As I was in childhood
There was no time for me

And so, this leads me to the final part of it all
Which is that now that I know and am aware,
There’s room to grow and opportunity to prepare

For a future perhaps together still, 
or perhaps alone
Time will tell how much
we’ll be able to grow

Together, or apart
Perhaps we’ll find healing

So can you hear me?

Can you feel what I’m feeling?